HOW WE DEMONSTRATE LOVE AND AFFECTION
by Adriana Cota
(Final Draft)
![Picture](/uploads/9/8/4/9/98499880/published/192418741.jpeg?1485738226)
In 2008, I was studying abroad for a semester. I enjoyed too much being there, for the reason that it has a lot of culture, amazing landscapes, excellent people, and so much things to do. Everything was great, but something was missing. There, I had some experiences that make me realize the differences between cultures. One of the things I really missed from Mexico where the warmth of the people with all the hugging and physical contact we have. There are a lot of ways to express love and affection, and these varies from place to place. It does not mean that only one way to express love is the correct. It means that we have different customs between continents, countries and even regions of the same country. This customs makes us act in a certain way. As we grow up involved in our own environment, we think the way we behave is normal and we expect the same response from others. Being loved and feel affection of people around us is very important for everyone, since it makes us: experience protection and feel cared, that we belong to some group, that our life is important to others, and it raises our self-esteem. As the writer Gary Chapman says there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, quality of time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. In this essay I am going to focus on the last one: physical touch, because I am from Mexico and we are used to this kind of language.
In Mexico we have the custom of greet with a kiss on the cheek but also give a big hug or a pat on the back. Even if we do not know the person, but is a friend of a friend we are used to greet like this. We tend to be warm people and try to make the other person feel welcome. If you look around: at the park, at home, at the office or at parties, Mexican people is making physical contact by giving a pat on the back to someone, a caress on the cheek or the arm, hugging or kissing. We pat on the back for different reasons: if kids make their parents proud about something they achieved, they give them a pat on the back; if a friend or a family member is sad because something went wrong on their lives, we can give a pat in the back to that person to show our support and care about what is happening to them; if someone tells a joke, also a pat on the back express our feeling of empathy; and as I told before, it is also used to greet. When someone we know introduce us a close friend, we are used to hug that person since is important to our friend. Parents hug their children to express their love to them, to congratulate them, to make their fear disappear, and to comfort them. Sometimes even coworkers hug when they are greeting. We are used to hug when is a closest friend or family member because it involves more feelings and propinquity meanwhile a pat can be used with people that is not too close to us or in a casual situation. But the two of them are physical contact that we need every day.
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![Picture](/uploads/9/8/4/9/98499880/editor/666224750.jpeg?1485738064)
When I was studying abroad, I did know I would find some cultural differences but I did not know that demonstrations of affection and love will vary from continent to continent. Some day I saw a mother with her beautiful baby walking on the street, and I approach to them and touch the baby’s cheek and told the mother that her baby was beautiful. The woman stared at me a little bit annoyed, but I immediately apologized. I feel embarrassed because in my country this action is very common, but I understood that it is different in others. In the same experience abroad, one day I was riding my bicycle crossing a bridge and I heard a lot of people screaming my name. As I approach to them, I get noticed that they were my classmates from Mexico that were there to take summer courses. I get off the bicycle immediately and they start to hug me and I responded to them, since we were very excited of seeing each other far away from home. There is when I realized that a lot of months have passed without a hug, and I just needed that. In another hand, in Mexico, friends and mates are used to greet with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and where I was studying abroad, people greet with two or three kisses on the cheeks and no hugs. At first I was confused, for the reason that I think they were going to kiss me in the mouth by accident when they gave me a kiss on every cheek but then I get used to it. As I was raised with a lot of hugs and caress, when I was abroad I missed that warmth.
In my personal life I grew up in a family where I received a lot of love and they demonstrate their affection by caress or hugging or kissing. I am really used to it and is the way I feel loved and has build my self-esteem. I think it is like Bruce D. Perry says: “...we are social mammals and could never have survived without deeply interconnected and interdependent contact. The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”. The way we demonstrate affection to ourselves and to others has to do we the one our parents and our society taught us since we were kids. In addition, I make a research between my family members and friends about this theme. Some of them received a lot of physical contact when they were kids, and some others did not. The ones who did not, told me their parents make them know they were loved by words or making some acts of service to them. But they all agree that they are going to be more kissing and hugging with their own children because they know how important is to a child to receive physical contact from their parents. As Maria Kannikova says: “Even short bursts of touch—as little as fifteen minutes in the evening, in one of her studies—not only enhance growth and weight gain in children but also lead to emotional, physical, and cognitive improvements in adults”.
It is important to demonstrate love and affection to children because they are going to express it to others when they grow up, probably in the same way we demonstrated to them. But is good to know that what is normal to us for the reason that it is our custom since we were kids, in another country it could have another meaning and our intentions can be misunderstood. Sometimes we get embarrassed but is part of the learning process and is very interesting and enrich our lives to learn about other customs. And it does not matter if in one continent are used to hug and kiss, and in another prevails more the acts of services or words of affirmation, meanwhile we demonstrate our love and affection to the people we care of.
In my personal life I grew up in a family where I received a lot of love and they demonstrate their affection by caress or hugging or kissing. I am really used to it and is the way I feel loved and has build my self-esteem. I think it is like Bruce D. Perry says: “...we are social mammals and could never have survived without deeply interconnected and interdependent contact. The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”. The way we demonstrate affection to ourselves and to others has to do we the one our parents and our society taught us since we were kids. In addition, I make a research between my family members and friends about this theme. Some of them received a lot of physical contact when they were kids, and some others did not. The ones who did not, told me their parents make them know they were loved by words or making some acts of service to them. But they all agree that they are going to be more kissing and hugging with their own children because they know how important is to a child to receive physical contact from their parents. As Maria Kannikova says: “Even short bursts of touch—as little as fifteen minutes in the evening, in one of her studies—not only enhance growth and weight gain in children but also lead to emotional, physical, and cognitive improvements in adults”.
It is important to demonstrate love and affection to children because they are going to express it to others when they grow up, probably in the same way we demonstrated to them. But is good to know that what is normal to us for the reason that it is our custom since we were kids, in another country it could have another meaning and our intentions can be misunderstood. Sometimes we get embarrassed but is part of the learning process and is very interesting and enrich our lives to learn about other customs. And it does not matter if in one continent are used to hug and kiss, and in another prevails more the acts of services or words of affirmation, meanwhile we demonstrate our love and affection to the people we care of.
HOW WE DEMONSTRATE LOVE AND AFFECTION
by Adriana Cota
(Rough Draft)
In 2008, I was studying abroad for a semester. I enjoyed too much being there, because it has a lot of culture, amazing landscapes, excellent people, and so much things to do. Everything was fine, but something was missing. There, I had some experiences that make me realize the differences between continents. One of the things I really missed from Mexico where the warmth of the people with all the hugging and physical contact we have.
There are a lot of ways to express love and affection, and these varies from place to place. It does not mean that only one way to express love is the correct one. It means that we have different customs between continents, countries and even regions of the same country. This customs makes us act in a certain way. As we grow up involved in our own environment, we think the way we behave is normal and we expect the same response from others.
Being loved and feel affection of people around us is very important for everyone, because it makes us: experience protection and feel cared, that we belong to some group, that our life is important to others, and it raises our self-esteem. As Gary Chapman says there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, quality of time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. In this essay I am going to focus on the last one: physical touch, because I am from Mexico and we are used to this kind of language.
by Adriana Cota
(Rough Draft)
In 2008, I was studying abroad for a semester. I enjoyed too much being there, because it has a lot of culture, amazing landscapes, excellent people, and so much things to do. Everything was fine, but something was missing. There, I had some experiences that make me realize the differences between continents. One of the things I really missed from Mexico where the warmth of the people with all the hugging and physical contact we have.
There are a lot of ways to express love and affection, and these varies from place to place. It does not mean that only one way to express love is the correct one. It means that we have different customs between continents, countries and even regions of the same country. This customs makes us act in a certain way. As we grow up involved in our own environment, we think the way we behave is normal and we expect the same response from others.
Being loved and feel affection of people around us is very important for everyone, because it makes us: experience protection and feel cared, that we belong to some group, that our life is important to others, and it raises our self-esteem. As Gary Chapman says there are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, quality of time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. In this essay I am going to focus on the last one: physical touch, because I am from Mexico and we are used to this kind of language.
In Mexico we have the custom of greet with one kiss on the cheek but also give a big hug or a pat on the back. Even if we do not know the person, but is a friend of a friend we are used to greet like this. We tend to be warm people and try to make the other person feel welcome.If you look around: at the park, at home, at the office or at parties, mexican people is making physical contact by giving a pat on the back to someone, a caress on the cheek or the arm, hugging or kissing because makes us feel: protected, cared and loved.
We pat on the back for different reasons: if kids make their parents proud about something they achieved, they give them a pat on the back; if a friend or a family member is sad for something that went wrong on their lives we can give a pat in the back to that person to show our support and that we care about what is happening to them; if someone tells a joke, also a pat on the back express our feeling of empathy; and as I told before, it is also used to greet.
When someone we know introduce a close friend, we are used to hug that person because is important to our friend. Parents hug their children to express their love to them, to congratulate them, to make their fear disappear, and to comfort them. Sometimes even coworkers hug when they are greeting.
We are used to hug when is a closest friend or family member and when we want to make the other person feels cared and protected. A pat can be used with people that is not too close to us or in a casual situation and a hug involves more feelings and propinquity. But the two of them are physical contact that we need every day.
In Mexico we have the custom of greet with one kiss on the cheek but also give a big hug or a pat on the back. Even if we do not know the person, but is a friend of a friend we are used to greet like this. We tend to be warm people and try to make the other person feel welcome.If you look around: at the park, at home, at the office or at parties, mexican people is making physical contact by giving a pat on the back to someone, a caress on the cheek or the arm, hugging or kissing because makes us feel: protected, cared and loved.
We pat on the back for different reasons: if kids make their parents proud about something they achieved, they give them a pat on the back; if a friend or a family member is sad for something that went wrong on their lives we can give a pat in the back to that person to show our support and that we care about what is happening to them; if someone tells a joke, also a pat on the back express our feeling of empathy; and as I told before, it is also used to greet.
When someone we know introduce a close friend, we are used to hug that person because is important to our friend. Parents hug their children to express their love to them, to congratulate them, to make their fear disappear, and to comfort them. Sometimes even coworkers hug when they are greeting.
We are used to hug when is a closest friend or family member and when we want to make the other person feels cared and protected. A pat can be used with people that is not too close to us or in a casual situation and a hug involves more feelings and propinquity. But the two of them are physical contact that we need every day.
When I was studying abroad, I did know I would find some cultural differences but I did not know that demonstrations of affection and love will vary from continent to continent.I think there are a lot of ways to demonstrate affection and physical touch is not the only one, meanwhile people around us feel loved and cared. But as I was raised with a lot of hugs and caress, when I was abroad I missed that warmth.
Some day I saw a mother with her beautiful baby walking on the street, and I approach to them and touch the baby’s cheek and told the mother that her baby was beautiful. The woman stared at me a little bit annoyed, but I immediately apologized. I feel embarrassed because in my country this action is very common, but I understood that is not the same in others countries.
In another hand, in Mexico, friends and mates are used to greet with one kiss on the cheek and a hug. And in the country I was studying abroad, people greet with two or three kisses on the cheeks and no hugs. At first I was confused, because I think they were going to kiss me in the mouth by accident when they gave me a kiss on every cheek but then I get used to it.
In the same experience abroad, one day I was riding my bicycle crossing a bridge and I heard a lot of people screaming my name. As I approach to them, I get noticed that they were my classmates from Mexico that were there to take summer courses. I get off the bicycle immediately and they start to hug me and I responded to them, because we were very excited of seeing each other far away from home. There is when I realized that a lot of months have passed without a hug, and I just needed that.
In my personal life I grew up in a family where I received a lot of love and they demonstrate their affection by caress or hugging or kissing. I am really used to it and is the way I feel loved and has build my self-esteem. I think it is like Bruce D. Perry says: “...we are social mammals and could never have survived without deeply interconnected and interdependent contact. The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”. I think is the same with the way we demonstrate affection to others and to ourselves. And we do it the way our parents and our society taught us since we were kids.
I make a research between my family members and friends about this theme. Some of them received a lot of physical contact when they were kids, and some others did not. The ones who did not, told me their parents make them know they were loved by words or making some acts of service to them. But they all agree that they are going to be more kissing and hugging with their own children because they know how important is to a child to receive physical contact from their parents. As Maria Kannikova says: “Even short bursts of touch—as little as fifteen minutes in the evening, in one of her studies—not only enhance growth and weight gain in children but also lead to emotional, physical, and cognitive improvements in adults”.
It is important to demonstrate love and affection to children because they are going to express it to others when they grow up, probably in the same way we demonstrated to them. But is good to know that what is normal to us because it is our custom since we were kids, in another country it could have another meaning and our intentions can be misunderstood. Sometimes we get embarrassed but is part of the learning process and is very interesting and enrich our lives, to learn about other customs. And it does not matter if in one continent are used to hug and kiss, and in another one prevails more the acts of services or words of affirmation, meanwhile we demonstrate our love and affection to the people we care of.
When I was studying abroad, I did know I would find some cultural differences but I did not know that demonstrations of affection and love will vary from continent to continent.I think there are a lot of ways to demonstrate affection and physical touch is not the only one, meanwhile people around us feel loved and cared. But as I was raised with a lot of hugs and caress, when I was abroad I missed that warmth.
Some day I saw a mother with her beautiful baby walking on the street, and I approach to them and touch the baby’s cheek and told the mother that her baby was beautiful. The woman stared at me a little bit annoyed, but I immediately apologized. I feel embarrassed because in my country this action is very common, but I understood that is not the same in others countries.
In another hand, in Mexico, friends and mates are used to greet with one kiss on the cheek and a hug. And in the country I was studying abroad, people greet with two or three kisses on the cheeks and no hugs. At first I was confused, because I think they were going to kiss me in the mouth by accident when they gave me a kiss on every cheek but then I get used to it.
In the same experience abroad, one day I was riding my bicycle crossing a bridge and I heard a lot of people screaming my name. As I approach to them, I get noticed that they were my classmates from Mexico that were there to take summer courses. I get off the bicycle immediately and they start to hug me and I responded to them, because we were very excited of seeing each other far away from home. There is when I realized that a lot of months have passed without a hug, and I just needed that.
In my personal life I grew up in a family where I received a lot of love and they demonstrate their affection by caress or hugging or kissing. I am really used to it and is the way I feel loved and has build my self-esteem. I think it is like Bruce D. Perry says: “...we are social mammals and could never have survived without deeply interconnected and interdependent contact. The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”. I think is the same with the way we demonstrate affection to others and to ourselves. And we do it the way our parents and our society taught us since we were kids.
I make a research between my family members and friends about this theme. Some of them received a lot of physical contact when they were kids, and some others did not. The ones who did not, told me their parents make them know they were loved by words or making some acts of service to them. But they all agree that they are going to be more kissing and hugging with their own children because they know how important is to a child to receive physical contact from their parents. As Maria Kannikova says: “Even short bursts of touch—as little as fifteen minutes in the evening, in one of her studies—not only enhance growth and weight gain in children but also lead to emotional, physical, and cognitive improvements in adults”.
It is important to demonstrate love and affection to children because they are going to express it to others when they grow up, probably in the same way we demonstrated to them. But is good to know that what is normal to us because it is our custom since we were kids, in another country it could have another meaning and our intentions can be misunderstood. Sometimes we get embarrassed but is part of the learning process and is very interesting and enrich our lives, to learn about other customs. And it does not matter if in one continent are used to hug and kiss, and in another one prevails more the acts of services or words of affirmation, meanwhile we demonstrate our love and affection to the people we care of.
Works Cited
Chapman, Gary. “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”. 2014. Print
Perry, Bruce D. "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing" P. 234. 2006. Print.
Konnikova, Maria. "The Power of Touch" http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova. 2015
Perry, Bruce D. "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing" P. 234. 2006. Print.
Konnikova, Maria. "The Power of Touch" http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova. 2015
Writing Project 1: Autoethnography
Background and Overview
So far in our course, you have started to see that you belong to a set of communities, and these communities—their rituals, practices, and various phenomena—are closely tied to your identity. This relationship naturally raises various questions: How do you experience your community? What communal rituals, practices, traditions, behaviors, and/or objects have influenced your understanding of your identity? What does it mean to define your identity through your relationship to these phenomena?
To explore these questions and others related to them, you will compose your first major writing assignment—an autoethnography. To write this autoethnography, you will select a specific habit, ritual, or behavior (what we are calling a “cultural phenomenon”) you practice and investigate it. Doing so will help you discover what this activity says about you, your personal experiences, and the ways those personal experiences connect to the experiences of others.
The autoethnography is both an easy and a difficult form of writing. It is easy because, we are writing about what we know: ourselves. It is difficult because we must communicate the significance of our experience to our audience, making a connection between our own experiences and those of our readers. We must confront the hard truth that an event is not significant just because “it happened to me.” The event must offer some take-away value, and the writer who writes about the event must be able to answer the question “so what?” The answer to this question is the primary insight of the autoethnography, or the ultimate point that you are trying to make. Autoethnographies are not just chronological narrations of events; they communicate the event’s meaning and leave readers with a dominant impression of what it might have been like to experience it themselves.
For example, you might explore
- your methods of transportation. Do you walk, ride a bike, drive, or take a train to work/school? Why? What might your routine say about your identity or culture?
- your preferences for certain types of food. What do your choices say about your beliefs?
- your reading habits. Do you read the newspaper over coffee? Do you read before bed? What do you read? Why? What might these habits convey about your age, class, or social group?
Requirements and Deliverables
1. In your essay, you should select one habit, ritual, practice, or behavior and reflect upon this “phenomenon,” articulating why and how it has been significant for you. How have you been shaped as a person within your larger community by this activity?
2. Whatever your topic habit, ritual, practice, or behavior, your essay should be informed by close observation and provide a level of detail through example, anecdote, and explanation, which enables a reader to relate to your understanding of the action and its significance. It should provide significant insight into what has made/makes you who you are by including detailed descriptions of places and events while explaining the significance of these events to the formation of your own beliefs and behaviors.
3. Your essay should be written with an audience in mind: it should be organized in such a way that a reader can follow your thinking and reasoning from paragraph to paragraph and within each paragraph. This organization should lead your reader to your primary insight or ultimate point in a clear manner; in other words, your primary insight should help structure your paper.
4. Your essay needs to include and integrate at least one multimodal element. You could include pictures, sounds, or even hyperlinks to other resources, but you must make sure that your reader understands why you are including these elements and why including them enriches your piece of writing. Consider what media beyond text might reinforce your main idea to readers, convey in another way the significance of your autoethnography, and/or appeal to your readers from a different register.
5. Your completed essay should have a title and be at least 1200-1500 words in length.
Project Submission
- Rough Draft: Your rough draft will be submitted for peer review and to your e-portfolio.
- Revised Draft: Your revised draft should be uploaded to your e-portfolio.
Tips:
- Get started early.
- Review this week’s materials and discussions.
- Set a writing/research schedule and stick to it.
Background and Overview
So far in our course, you have started to see that you belong to a set of communities, and these communities—their rituals, practices, and various phenomena—are closely tied to your identity. This relationship naturally raises various questions: How do you experience your community? What communal rituals, practices, traditions, behaviors, and/or objects have influenced your understanding of your identity? What does it mean to define your identity through your relationship to these phenomena?
To explore these questions and others related to them, you will compose your first major writing assignment—an autoethnography. To write this autoethnography, you will select a specific habit, ritual, or behavior (what we are calling a “cultural phenomenon”) you practice and investigate it. Doing so will help you discover what this activity says about you, your personal experiences, and the ways those personal experiences connect to the experiences of others.
The autoethnography is both an easy and a difficult form of writing. It is easy because, we are writing about what we know: ourselves. It is difficult because we must communicate the significance of our experience to our audience, making a connection between our own experiences and those of our readers. We must confront the hard truth that an event is not significant just because “it happened to me.” The event must offer some take-away value, and the writer who writes about the event must be able to answer the question “so what?” The answer to this question is the primary insight of the autoethnography, or the ultimate point that you are trying to make. Autoethnographies are not just chronological narrations of events; they communicate the event’s meaning and leave readers with a dominant impression of what it might have been like to experience it themselves.
For example, you might explore
- your methods of transportation. Do you walk, ride a bike, drive, or take a train to work/school? Why? What might your routine say about your identity or culture?
- your preferences for certain types of food. What do your choices say about your beliefs?
- your reading habits. Do you read the newspaper over coffee? Do you read before bed? What do you read? Why? What might these habits convey about your age, class, or social group?
Requirements and Deliverables
1. In your essay, you should select one habit, ritual, practice, or behavior and reflect upon this “phenomenon,” articulating why and how it has been significant for you. How have you been shaped as a person within your larger community by this activity?
2. Whatever your topic habit, ritual, practice, or behavior, your essay should be informed by close observation and provide a level of detail through example, anecdote, and explanation, which enables a reader to relate to your understanding of the action and its significance. It should provide significant insight into what has made/makes you who you are by including detailed descriptions of places and events while explaining the significance of these events to the formation of your own beliefs and behaviors.
3. Your essay should be written with an audience in mind: it should be organized in such a way that a reader can follow your thinking and reasoning from paragraph to paragraph and within each paragraph. This organization should lead your reader to your primary insight or ultimate point in a clear manner; in other words, your primary insight should help structure your paper.
4. Your essay needs to include and integrate at least one multimodal element. You could include pictures, sounds, or even hyperlinks to other resources, but you must make sure that your reader understands why you are including these elements and why including them enriches your piece of writing. Consider what media beyond text might reinforce your main idea to readers, convey in another way the significance of your autoethnography, and/or appeal to your readers from a different register.
5. Your completed essay should have a title and be at least 1200-1500 words in length.
Project Submission
- Rough Draft: Your rough draft will be submitted for peer review and to your e-portfolio.
- Revised Draft: Your revised draft should be uploaded to your e-portfolio.
Tips:
- Get started early.
- Review this week’s materials and discussions.
- Set a writing/research schedule and stick to it.